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GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY Kat now sits before Miss Perky. KAT I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. MISS PERKY The point is Kat -- people perceive you as somewhat ... MISS PERKY (continuing) You might want to work on that Kat rises from her chair with a plastic smile matching the counselor's. Shakespeare makes him a bit daunting, but I'm sure you're all doing your best.
By the way, Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested. She grimaces, as if she's referring to a medical condition. Bianca looks up and smiles the smile of Daddy's little girl.
KAT This from someone whose diary is devoted to favorite grooming tips? He pulls out a small tape recorder from his black bag. He hits the "play' button and SHRIEKS OF PAIN emanate from the tape recorder.
He's wearing biker glasses instead of goggles as he tries to revive his frog.
MISS PERKY Well, yes, compared to your other choices of expression this year, today's events are quite mild. I believe "heinous bitch" is the term used most often. Stratford, do you care to comment on what you've read so far? TEACHER Mandella -- since you're assisting us, you might as well comment. MANDELLA Uh, yeah, I read it all TEACHER The whole play^ MANDELIA The whole folio. TEACHER (disbelieving) You've read every play by William Shakespeare?
KAT Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action. a waif-like senior girl who sits off to the side trying to slit her wrist with the plastic spiral on her notebook, looks up and raises her hand. The stunned teacher doesn't answer and goes to call on the next student. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY Mandella and Kat sit down in the quiet corner.
BIANCA AND WALTER (in unison, by rote) The sound of a fifteen-year-old in labor. A stray SKATEBOARD clips her, causing her to stumble and spill her coffee, as well as the contents of her backpack. She grabs his skateboard and uses it to SHOVE him against a car, skateboard tip to his throat. A path clears for her as she marches through a pack of fearful students and SLAMS open the door, entering school. GIRLS' ROOM - DAY BIANCA STRATFORD, a beautiful sophomore, stands facing the mirror, applying lipstick. BIANCA You might wanna think about it Leave the girls' room and enter the hallway. The greetings continue as Chastity remains wordless and unaddressed by her side. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY CAMERON JAMES, a clean-cut, easy-going senior with an open, farm-boy face, sits facing Miss Perky, an impossibly cheery guidance counselor. The young RIDER dashes over to help, trembling when he sees who his board has hit. Cowering in fear, he attempts to scoop up her scattered belongings. Her less extraordinary, but still cute friend, CHASTITY stands next to her. HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS Bianca is immediately greeted by an admiring crowd, both boys and girls alike. MISS PERKY I'm sure you won't find Padua any different than your old school. You're venturing far past daytime talk show fodder and entering the world of those who need very expensive therapy. CAMERON Why do girls like that always like guys like that? Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. KAT "Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape, revealing her creamy --" WALTER STRATFORD, a blustery, mad scientist-type obstetrician, enters through the front door, wearing a doctor's white jacket and carrying his black bag. KAT I realize that the men of this fine institution are severely lacking, but killing yourself so you can be with William Shakespeare is beyond the scope of normal teenage obsessions. Cowboys eating cue of a can of beans linger on the grass behind them. Cameron and Michael rise as Cameron tries to catch a glimpse of Bianca as she walks back inside. Kat has to SLAM the brakes to keep from hitting him KAT (yelling) Remove head from sphincter! Michael begins fearfully, pedaling as Kat PEELS out, angry at the delay. He slows to a stop MICHAEL Yeah, just a minor encounter with the shrew. Kat stands behind her, reading over her shoulder as she types.
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HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS Prom posters adorn the wall. The beautiful people pass, in full jock/cheerleader splendor. MICHAEL (continuing) Derek - save some for after lunch, bub? CAFETERIA - DAY - CONTINUOUS Loud music and loud students. MICHAEL I could start with your haircut, but it doesn't matter. I guess that does it for our analysis of The Old Man and the Sea.