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Below are is an abbreviated list of 20 key “questions” adapted from the Sex and Love Addicts literature that might help a woman self-determine if she has this type of problem.
More about SLAA can be found at: Am I a female sex and love addict? Do you feel that your life is becoming or is unmanageable because of your sexual and/or romantic behavior or your excessive dependency needs? Do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though you know that seeing this person is destructive to you? Do you feel that you don’t want anyone to know about your sexual or romantic activities?
SLAA, Sex and Love addicts Anonymous is a 12-step sex addiction recovery program that encourages female participation and offers many gender separate meetings.
The Ranch, a residential treatment center in Nunnelly, Tennessee offers private, gender separate residential treatment for female sex addicts.
Do you feel you need to hide these activities from others – friends, family, co-workers, counselors, etc.? Do you get “high” from sex and/or romance and then crash when the act or experience is over? Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, and/or with inappropriate people? Do you make promises to yourself or rules for yourself concerning your sexual or romantic behavior that you find you cannot follow? Have you had or do you have sex with someone you don’t (didn’t) want to have sex with? Have you ever thought that there might be more you could do with your life if you were not so driven by sexual and romantic pursuits? Do you feel desperate about your need for a lover, sexual fix, or future mate? Have you or do you have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g.
What we do know today is that approximately 8-12 percent of those seeking sexual addiction treatment are women (which interestingly more or less mirrors the numbers of men entering eating disorders treatment), but it is highly likely that many women struggle with compulsive and impulsive sexual and relationship disorders.
Despite her sexual acting out history – Mary was highly motivated to make her marriage work and keep her family together.
Today there are a few precious resources for female sex and love addicts include the recent book, “Waiting to Heal” by Kelly Mc Daniel MFT, “Women, Sex and Addiction” by Charlotte Kasl.
In addition to the affairs and anonymous sexual liaisons both before and throughout her marriage, Mary also disclosed “losing myself on a daily basis” to 30-40 minutes of porn use with masturbation, “to help calm me down or as a way to get to sleep” for nearly all her adult life.
She simply reported this as “what I do to relax” but she also keeps this secret from her husband.